Amir-Kan, I-Can!

*By the “Ghajini” logic, “Mr India” would have been “Mocambo”, “Karma”, “Dr Dang”, “Sholay”, “Gabbar” ….. these bad boyz made being evil stylish! When “Mocambo khush huaa”, so did I!
*Sadly, despite having the movie named after him, the “Ghajini” of “Ghajini” is a sad, wannabe villain! In the climax scene, when he is being pulped to death, dressed in his white shirt, white trousers, black shoes outfit, he reminded me of a driver we had when we lived in Faridabad!
*First it was six-pack, then it became eight …. Finally we’ll have all pack & no man! I turned & looked at the sweet, uncomplicated, un-packed guy, the hero of my life, sitting next to me & thought, “Uma Khush hui!”
*Aamir, am a little confused, so please explain, ji! Now while Rajni-CAN(t) do everything, you wanted to prove that Aamir “Can” too??? Too much, the ‘one man army’ technique with which you demolish everything in sight –my phavourite was the man whose head you twist, where his back and face are on one side! Could you send me a picture of that for my album???
*Why Asin??? The woman needs braces & a muzzle!
*I humbly request a half-ticket refund – my daughter & I closed our eyes & ears through the second, violent, gory half!
*Tu mera hero hai, Aamir Can …. I have a list of people whom I dislike & would like removed from this earth. But being a mortal coward, am petrified of “phaansi se latakna” (ok I know there are less dramatic ‘sazaas’ but allow me my fantasies!) or wearing a white sari with blue border (actually I find salwaar suits more comfortable but that’s a minor detail!) & doing mazdoori or ‘thodo-ing patthars’ in jail
*While Sharukh Bhaiyya showed us how to find Rabb in ‘aam aadmi’ ,Will you please teach me how I can kill certain people & send them to Rabb …… & walk away unscathed & un-punished, to live happily ever after. I’ll probably join u on that seat in the last scene & gaze meaningfully at the distant horizon! If Aamir-Can, so can I!!!

Rabb, meri bhi jodi bana de!

Dear Chopra Sahab,

Thank-you, ji! After seeing your fine film, ‘Rabb Ne Bana Di Jodi’, my dil is filled with hope! Sir Ji, you are like a magician & my honest opinion is that you should not restrict your miracles for superstars like Shahrukh Khan!

My God, ji, from where you got that amazing gel, sensational tight jean pants & wonder t-shirt???? The moment the simple & sweet Surinder Ji used them, his own “Taani-Ji” could not recognize him!

After seeing her happily dance with magic man & then eat dinner with ‘Simple Simon Sahni, without realizing that both are one & only person, my heart garden-garden ho gaya, ji, with bushes of optimism & expectations!

I am humbly requesting you to share your genius & work wonders with me & my jodi, ji! I implore you to try ‘reverse/ulta’ magic in my case, Adiyta Ji!

You see, I am very “healthy” ji – yaaney, khaatey-peetey type of ladies! My “Mister”, touch wood, is very slim & un-healthy! So I am thinking, Adi Ji, do you have some ‘jadu’ powder or lotion or something ji, which will make me also sexy, svelte, unhealthy & most, most important, unrecognizable????

But aisa hai, ji, as the fat wife, I have to cook, clean & do house-work & will be very tired & in no position to dance. So instead of jiving in Shiamak Davar’s invigorating dance classes, can we maybe just hold hands or something? If that is not acceptable to you, I don’t mind singing some romantic songs – it is only my body which will be weary, not my ‘galaa’/throat!!!!

Also ji, while I want same-to-same treatment like Surinder Bhaiyya, thoda difference is there … you see, I think Bhagwaan Ji was so busy making Taani Ji very much beautiful, with slim & sexy figure & extraordinary Phulkari suits (later, please also tell me where I can purchase exactly same dresses in XXXXL sizes!), that he had no time to give her brains. So it was very easy to fool her.

Yun to ji, main kam bolti hun, but I have to say that my “Mister” is quite clever, so we will need stronger magic to make him believe that ‘jiski biwi moti’ & ‘jiski biwi slim & sexy’ are same-to-same people! But I have full faith in you & The ‘Oopar Waala”!

Surinder Sir is my inspiration – so though I want you to give me a new avatar to trick my pati-dev, I want him to only love the original ‘moti’ wife … you see, ji, advantage is that in a larger frame, Rabb can be seen more clearly!

Humble request ji … Amritsar is very far, so can we change location slightly? The temple in the Bur Dubai souq is very convenient – after we see “Rabb”, we can do our weekly shopping too! Killing two birds & all that, you know!

So from the bottom of my heart, thank-you, Adi ji!

I remain, your humble servant,

Uma

'dil kabbadi' - let the games begin!

Woody Allen is my absolute Guru where quirky, whacky human humor is concerned - never thought I would watch an adaptation of a movie of his & find the same insane, WA brand of funny, that too in a Bollywood film! Well, well, wonders never cease to happen!
But since Irfan Khan happened to hindi films, we get to see this wonderful actor play the complex, twisted & guilt-torn Macbeth of Maqbool & then.... this indescribable genre of comic acting which is unapologetic, perfectly timed, honest & so damn funny - even though he plays this two-timing rogue of a husband, with no morals or scruples, you can't help loving him!
Ashok got it right when he described the movie as 'refreshing & un-clichéd' (is there a word like that???) - where couples play this mad musical chairs, with no malice, with a lot of humor, which is so pleasant to watch.
If u notice anyone apart from Irfan Khan, it's Konkona Sen Sharma - not bad, Mrs Iyer! Love the 'passive aggressive’ woman of today’ role she essays with such ease!
I am very fond of Rahul Bose - he represents this metro, cool, urbane Bollywood which is such a welcome change!
Surprise is Soha who manages to hold her own in the company of such fine artistes – some weird hairstyles, no doubt, but still, her progress card would report – ‘Improving!’
Rahul Khanna is such a charming, handsome dude, just like his dad – in a disappointingly short role, he delivers a competent performance.
But my milk of human kindness in doling out all this praise runs dry for Payal Rohtagi or whatever, who is supposed to be sizzling ‘n sexy – c’mon Bollywood, u can do better than that!
A Sunday night well spent at the game – of the ‘dil kabbadi’ kind!