skyfall rocks

Sam Mendes ought to have issued a statutory warning for ‘Skyfall’ – “Too hot to handle!” The combined presence of a smouldering Daniel Craig, a charming & evil Javier Bardem & throw in an old favourite of mine, Ralph Fiennes, better known as Voldermot, to the Harry Potter generation .... WOW!!!

You barely have time, in this roller coaster ride of drama, action, thrills & chills, to hate, just a little, Rachel Weiss & Penelope Cruz, who are sadly, Mrs Daniel Craig & Mrs Javier Bardem! But the good news is that for the next couple of hours, these two dishes are all yours & mine to ogle!

There have been a lot of complaints about unknown actors becoming Bond girls, but maybe there is some method to this madness, because Naomi Harris, as the agent who almost kills her colleague, better known as 007, is sexy, her British accent absolutely adorable & loved the twist about the role she assumes towards the end of the film!

So warning # 2 comes from me – be prepared for a lot of gushing, because there maybe people who disagree with me, but I am going to put it out there – ‘Skyfall’ – the best Bond flick so far!

Javier Bardem – the guy looks so good, even when he plays bad!!! As the ex MI5 agent, who believes he has been betrayed by ‘M’ & craves revenge, Bardem manages to charm you, even while sending chills up your spine! What a brilliant performance & he has my vote for the best Bond baddie ever! (I warned you about the gushing, didn’t I?!)

Confession: never quite liked Judi Dench as ‘M’ – Mendes gives her shades of grey, which she handles competently, but I for one, will not miss her & am thrilled to welcome Ralph Fiennes as the naya ‘M’!

‘Skyfall’ – reloaded, remixed, with a blend of the old - exciting chases, exotic locales, gorgeous babes & the new - the young hottie as ‘Q’, who mocks James Bond, when he complains about the lack of thrilling gadgets & tricks, saying, “What did you expect, an exploding pen?! We don’t do it that way, anymore!”

Sam Mendes creates a 007, a far cry from his old avatar, as an agent past his prime, who still gets it right! Where the director scores, is his ability to attach an emotional angle to the cool & unflappable James Bond – 007, who fails his tests to re-enter active MI5 service, who almost gets shot by his colleague & then, hallelujah, we discover that apna James actually has a tragic past, a dark and gloomy house in Scotland, where his parents were killed & are introduced to the cutest cameo, Albert Finney as his old caretaker, who insists on calling “M”, Emma ... omg, James Bond is actually human, bleeds, weeps, tugs at your heart (well almost!), but still sets your heart racing – Kya Baat, Kya Baat, Kya Baat!!!

Jab I could not see 'Student Of The Year!'

You are as old as you feel!
I did not feel old, when a grown up hulk & father of two, fondly called me ‘aunty’; just wanted to punch him!
I did not feel old, when I passed by a mirror & a plump, middle aged lady, on the other side, smiled at me!
I did not feel old, when my husband & I discovered, that we were the only grown-ups in the theatre, chuckling over ‘Ice Age 4’!
I did not feel old, when a young lady dived unexpectedly & touched my feet, explaining that she wanted my blessings, because I was older than her!
I do not feel old, when my burly houseboy called me ‘Mummy’ for the first time....

BUT when Karan Johar’s ‘Student of the Year’ hit cinema theatres in town, I finally realised that I was too old, jaded & cynical, for bubble gum romances, set in a nauseating make believe world of Gucci & Prada, where only good looking people exist & everything is picture perfect!

I bid a fond adieu to Archie comics a decade or two ago & can no longer stomach a school, which is inspired by Riverdale High! From what I could make out, from the never ending promotions of the movie, there are two dudes, with six pack abs & designer gear, who are vying for the ‘Student of the Year’ title (yikes#$@%&!*) & the young Ms pouty Bhatt!

A friend of mine was horribly confused - apparently in the movie, there is a divide between the rich kids & the poor kids, but she claims, that the supposedly gareeb student, looks richer than her children & mine; the symbol of poverty, according to our poor little rich boy, KJo, is a motorbike, because ameer kids drive phoren cars! So what does that make my husband, whose life mission is to own a shiny motorbike (it’s another story that while he proposes, his mean, heartless biwi disposes!) – Karan Johar would describe my Patidev, as someone below the poverty line!

It was when I heard about Rishi Kapoor, playing the gay dean of the school, who lusts after his sports coach, leading to comments like, ‘coach coach hota hai’, I gagged, nearly threw up & sadly embraced my new status, as a senior citizen!

Cut to Thursday night in the crowded Cineplex – On one end, us oldies, were waiting to watch a science fiction movie & there was the excited, teeny bopper crowd, the young & the restless audience for ‘SOTY’ & as Kipling said, ‘never the twain shall meet!

Review-Sheview of English Vinglish

Okay-Shokay, so here’s the deal: the only qualification required to participate in ‘English Vinglish’, is that you need to be a certified Sridevi fan! Gauri Shinde’s debut effort, is a celebration of this fab-shab, awesome-shawesome actress! After a fifteen year hiatus, a reloaded, renewed & refreshed Sridevi ... if only I could use a green font here, to express my envy – nearly pushing fifty, do bachchon ki maa & with Boney Kapoor as a husband, the former Ms Thunder Thighs (omg, not a trace of that anymore!) looks dew drop fresh!

Having established that the Sridevi Festival rocks, lets deal with the speed breakers on this otherwise smooth ride:

Ms Shinde, with all sincerity believes that, anyone who doesn’t know the Queen’s language, has to be dim-witted too! I know plenty of women of substance, who speak vernacular, but are sharp, smart & clever!

Theek hai, you don’t know English Vinglish, but surely Sashi (Sridevi), who seems to come from a fairly affluent family has travelled by air before? But then, good for her, since her aircraft guardian angel turns out to be the sexy, suave & kind stranger, Amitabh Bachchan ... for an encounter-vencounter with the superstar, I may chose to forget my English too!

The US Coffee Shops Association (do such things exist?!) may sue the movie for portraying the counter sales folk as a rude, intolerant, racist lot! When Sashi struggles with her order across the counter, surely anyone with a brain could understand that the woman had a language issue!?!

Here we go again ... that ghissa pitta tale about the shy, timid, tamely-accepting-her- family’s- taunts-Indian-woman, who has to travel to America, to discover herself, learn English (because there are no English speaking courses in India!) & take pride in her laddoos ... yawn!!!

Some cheap thrills when the visa officer asks Sashi, how she will manage in the US, without knowing English, his colleague, cattily responds, “Like you manage in this country without knowing Hindi!!!”

But then, its Sridevi, who like wine, has bettered with age, developed a kind of sukoon (peace), a serene dignity & a low key tone in her acting. She makes you forget to critique the movie & you helplessly get swept away by her sheer presence! From the perfect gharelu sati-savitri, who tirelessly works for her family, the wife and mother, who hurts at the taunts of her husband & daughter, the determined woman of substance who takes on learning English in four weeks, till the toast she delivers at the New York shaadi, which I am ashamed, made me weep, there is not one dull moment in Sashi ki kahani!

The Mind your Language kind of English classes, with its typical ethnic representations, has its cute & funny moments. Oh yes, the cute French Romeo, madly in love with Sridevi, who actually looks French!

Special mention must be made of the girl who plays Sridevi’s niece – thank God, no fake accent, very pretty & a rather sensitive performance.

The movie left me with two desires (apart from wanting to wake up as beautiful & slim, like Mrs Boney Kapoor!): to find out where all those exquisite, ethnic cotton saris, worn so gracefully by Sridevi, were sourced from. The second & more burning wish, is to the give the daughter of the house, a firm tight slap, for being so obnoxious and disrespectful to her mom!!!

English Vinglish – may not be the best story in town, but still, Sridevi makes sure you get your ticket’s worth! Go-Sho & See-Shee!!

PS: This review is dedicated, to my khoobsurat friend, the asli Sashi, who is as beautiful as the English Vinglish Sashi!