Rabb, meri bhi jodi bana de!

Dear Chopra Sahab,

Thank-you, ji! After seeing your fine film, ‘Rabb Ne Bana Di Jodi’, my dil is filled with hope! Sir Ji, you are like a magician & my honest opinion is that you should not restrict your miracles for superstars like Shahrukh Khan!

My God, ji, from where you got that amazing gel, sensational tight jean pants & wonder t-shirt???? The moment the simple & sweet Surinder Ji used them, his own “Taani-Ji” could not recognize him!

After seeing her happily dance with magic man & then eat dinner with ‘Simple Simon Sahni, without realizing that both are one & only person, my heart garden-garden ho gaya, ji, with bushes of optimism & expectations!

I am humbly requesting you to share your genius & work wonders with me & my jodi, ji! I implore you to try ‘reverse/ulta’ magic in my case, Adiyta Ji!

You see, I am very “healthy” ji – yaaney, khaatey-peetey type of ladies! My “Mister”, touch wood, is very slim & un-healthy! So I am thinking, Adi Ji, do you have some ‘jadu’ powder or lotion or something ji, which will make me also sexy, svelte, unhealthy & most, most important, unrecognizable????

But aisa hai, ji, as the fat wife, I have to cook, clean & do house-work & will be very tired & in no position to dance. So instead of jiving in Shiamak Davar’s invigorating dance classes, can we maybe just hold hands or something? If that is not acceptable to you, I don’t mind singing some romantic songs – it is only my body which will be weary, not my ‘galaa’/throat!!!!

Also ji, while I want same-to-same treatment like Surinder Bhaiyya, thoda difference is there … you see, I think Bhagwaan Ji was so busy making Taani Ji very much beautiful, with slim & sexy figure & extraordinary Phulkari suits (later, please also tell me where I can purchase exactly same dresses in XXXXL sizes!), that he had no time to give her brains. So it was very easy to fool her.

Yun to ji, main kam bolti hun, but I have to say that my “Mister” is quite clever, so we will need stronger magic to make him believe that ‘jiski biwi moti’ & ‘jiski biwi slim & sexy’ are same-to-same people! But I have full faith in you & The ‘Oopar Waala”!

Surinder Sir is my inspiration – so though I want you to give me a new avatar to trick my pati-dev, I want him to only love the original ‘moti’ wife … you see, ji, advantage is that in a larger frame, Rabb can be seen more clearly!

Humble request ji … Amritsar is very far, so can we change location slightly? The temple in the Bur Dubai souq is very convenient – after we see “Rabb”, we can do our weekly shopping too! Killing two birds & all that, you know!

So from the bottom of my heart, thank-you, Adi ji!

I remain, your humble servant,

Uma