review of 'rockstar'

The hero of “Rockstar” is the music, brought to life by “masakalli” Mohit Chauhan! Hearing the strong, soulful, powerful songs, Mr. & Mrs. Kaushik broke tradition, of never heading for the movies without getting any feedback – the only exception to the rule being any Aamir Khan film - the dude never lets us down! “Jab we meet” Imtiaz Silly, oh sorry, Ali, will tell him that we paid a heavy price for breaking our khandani parampara!
The heroine is the stunning locales that we get to savor across our otherwise traumatizing 3 hour journey! From the misty, winter soaked corridors of St Stephens in the capital, to the gandi galis with sleazy theatres, featuring “junglee jawani’, the canvas shifts to paradise that is Kashmir, the snow capped mountains, the cold lakes, aur phir, Prague!
Then there’s Nargis Fakhri (allow me a cheap giggle every time I hear her surname!): stunning but a tad wooden! Props for her wardrobe – I lusted after every Kashmiri stole & kurta, in the richest of hues, with the most fabulous embroidery, worn so comfortably & elegantly by Ms (giggle!) Fakhri! Not a patch on the gay abandon with which Kareena breathed life into her “Jab we met” role, but in parts, ‘lil Nargis is kaafi not bad!
Wish we could say the same about Kareena’s much talked about cousin brother, Ranbir! Surely, he knows the difference between a simpleton from humble beginnings, who dreams of becoming Jim Morrison and a half wit?! So we see two expressions on him across, shudder, shudder, a very long film – he either looks daft, or angry – why??? Khuda Jaane!!!
Some Imtiaz Ali moments – Ranbir & Nargis slumming it for a day, watching a seedy movie, drinking desi daru & dancing in cheap discos! The vibrant colors, the gorgeous costumes, the beauty of Prague & the awesome dancing in the “Haawo Haawo” song is a visual treat!
But these tiny jhalaks of joy are brought to a screeching halt, post interval, when nothing can redeem the phillum – the music & the locales cannot rise above the dismal story & shoddy director!

Ours was not to reason why –
• why Heer is so dukhi with her marriage?
• Why she gets bone marrow apalasia (keep it simple, for aam janta to comprehend, dude!) & how her blood count gets better every time the weirdly named Jordan (phuleez!) comes near her?
• Kaise she manages to get pregnant when she has that above ailment?
• Why “Jordan” dumbly dreams of becoming a rockstar, but when he does, snarls at his fans & spaces out, while the audience patiently waits!
• Why the audience didn’t pelt him with stones, or at least, rotten tomatoes?!
• Why I didn’t –because I needed the tomatoes bought from Carrefour, for the next day’s khaana!
Ours was but to watch & die … of boredom!

Or is this the ranting of a cynical, hardened soul, who is no longer charmed by the angry young rocker, could not shed a tear at poor Heer’s complicated beemari & heartlessly dismissed this romantic tale of unrequited love aaj-kal!